Author: ruth       Nov 12th, 2014

Often we experience anxiety and just want it to go away. So we turn away from it by suppressing it, drinking or drugs, or negative or distracting behaviors and activities. One way to deal with anxiety is to face it. Imagine it is something tangible then stare it right in the eye and tell it that it cannot win. Then try to understand it. Yes, that’s the hard part, but once you are brave enough to face it you can do anything, right?

Understanding anxiety takes some concentrated thought. Ask yourself what the anxiety is about. Maybe it’s about your boyfriend who isn’t texting or phone you back as often as you would like.

Then, think about why this gives you anxiety, is he acting aloof in other ways? I this a change from how he used to behave? Really look at the whole picture and don’t get caught up in judgement (another hard thing to do). So instead of getting caught up in what the lack of texting means, try to understand the context. It’s like gathering information.

Then try to think about what this kind of behavior represents to you. Maybe it represents a feeling that he is cheating on you. And look at any experiences you have had that may make you feel this way. Maybe your mother cheated on your father and then they got divorced, maybe your ex-finace was cheating on you, or maybe you’ve always felt a lot of vulnerability around trust. What we are doing here is getting to the root of the issue for you. It has less to do about what is going on with the boyfriend and more to do with what trigger you.

Once you unbundle why you are feeling the way you are, then you can more effectively move towards the boyfriend and inquire what the lack of texting means for him. Who knows, you could be surprised by what he’s thinking and feeling.

Copyright 2020 Ruth Krumbhaar. Marriage and Family Therapist MFC53637.