Fear of Rejection

A client of mine recently shared that she had been rejected for an internship she applied to. After taking a moment, I congratulated her. She immediately understood why.

We had been working together to address her fear of rejection—a fear that had previously immobilized her, leaving her hesitant to try new things and retreating inward. Together, we explored the deeper meanings behind this fear, its potential origins, and why the thought of rejection was so painful for her.

When I congratulated her, it was because her rejection signified growth. Only those who step outside their comfort zones and allow themselves to be vulnerable are in a position to be rejected. Vulnerability is something she had been working hard to cultivate, and while it's the direction she wants to move in, it takes courage. Vulnerability is often messy, and we need to be grounded within ourselves to navigate it.

Many of us equate rejection with unworthiness. For some, the fear of rejection can manifest as "rejection sensitivity," a heightened aversion to rejection that disrupts daily life. This sensitivity often stems from early experiences, shaping a person’s willingness to take even small risks, such as forming new relationships or applying for jobs.

But rejection doesn’t necessarily mean we’re unworthy. Sometimes, the risk we took wasn’t a good fit, our timing may have been off, or it was simply bad luck. Once we make peace with the possibility of rejection and recognize that we can survive it, we become free to try new things. In fact, rejection can bring relief—at least we know the outcome—and it can even open the door to better opportunities.

Imagine applying for your dream job and not getting it. At first, it feels like a huge setback. But in the process, you made a strong impression on the hiring manager, who later recommends you for another position that turns out to be an even better fit for your skills and interests. What felt like a rejection ends up leading you to a career path that’s more aligned with your goals and values—something you may not have pursued had the original opportunity worked out. In this case, the rejection fueled an opportunity to explore a better career path.

This year, I’ve set an intention to face rejection—a lot of it! I want to embrace vulnerability, try new things, and expand my horizons. Why not? In my mid-50s, I feel ready to take on these challenges, knowing I’ll stumble and it will hurt. When fear arises in me—or when I’m working with a client facing this kind of fear—there are ways we can support ourselves:

• Slow down. Pause and reflect on both yourself and the situation before reacting.

• Remind yourself: I am worthy, regardless of the outcome.

• Assess the situation. Perhaps it wasn’t a good fit after all, and by staying open and creative, you might transform rejection into a new opportunity.

• Understand that rejection truly hurts—our brains process it much like physical pain. But just like a wound, we can heal.

• Surround yourself with people who value you. A strong support network boosts self-esteem and gives you the strength to handle rejection.

If your fear of rejection is holding you back from living the life you want, I encourage you to work with a professional coach or therapist. They can help you move through the fear and reach a place where vulnerability feels safer. The world needs you to fully engage with it, and you deserve the chance to take personal risks and step out into the unknown.